Protecting the Mental Health of Children
The far-reaching effects of the pandemic have opened our eyes wider than ever to our children’s needs and the reality that their mental health matters — and is as vulnerable as our own.
Fortunately, people around the world are taking a greater interest in mental health — especially when it comes to children. Stigmas surrounding mental and emotional struggles and disorders are being broken, and discussions about treatment and prevention have intensified.
The far-reaching effects of the pandemic have opened our eyes wider than ever to our children’s needs and the reality that their mental health matters — and is as vulnerable as our own.
If we didn’t know it already, we’ve learned that children have deep mental and emotional needs. Their mental health needs to be fostered and protected. And as the caregivers in their lives, we hold that responsibility.
Children desperately need to be given the tools and knowledge to take care of their mental health, from effective coping skills to self-care habits. And that’s where we come in — as parents, educators, caregivers, or whatever mentoring role we play in a child’s life. Being educated ourselves and then making deliberate efforts to guide our children will help them navigate the mental and emotional struggles they are bound to face.
Protecting our children’s mental health is simple.
It starts with being mindful and requires us to be aware of the pressures and stresses they experience. Then, we need to give them the tools to manage those pressures and be resilient in the face of challenging times.
Research shows a strong link between mental health and emotional intelligence. In fact, one study found that those who struggle with mental health have a lower level of emotional intelligence than the rest of the population. While this may not always be the case, the correlation makes sense. Recognizing and appropriately managing emotions — especially the intense and uncomfortable ones — is at the heart of emotional intelligence.
Someone with a high EQ is responsive, not reactive, and is not a victim to their emotions.
The research goes even further to suggest that emotional intelligence even acts as a protection against stress and reduces the chance of its consequences. For example, the first day of school can feel daunting, uncertain, and overwhelming to many children. Without emotional intelligence — or the skills to recognize and regulate these emotions — a child may feel paralyzed by fear and choose to stay in bed rather than face the day. A child with higher emotional intelligence (and likely a parent with higher EQ to guide them) can recognize uncomfortable emotions, validate them, and find ways to cope with them while meeting this new challenge.
So, the research is clear. Teaching and demonstrating emotional intelligence is one of the best things you can do to protect your child’s mental health.
Here are a few ways to implement EQ into your parenting.
Talk About Feelings
John Mayer and Peter Salovey, the researchers who coined the term emotional intelligence, defined EQ like this:
“The emotionally intelligent person is skilled in four areas: identifying emotions, using emotions, understanding emotions, and regulating emotions.”
In the past, emotions and emotional health were not only not emphasized, in many ways they were suppressed. Thankfully, the idea that addressing emotions is unhelpful, enabling, or even a sign of weakness is outdated. Talking about feelings is more widely accepted and more important than ever — especially for our kids.
So how can you help your kids talk about their feelings?
Create a safe atmosphere where feelings are a part of the conversation. Recognize that feelings precede actions, so when your child misbehaves, try to find out why. Try conversation starters like, “I can tell that you are angry right now. Will you tell me why?” Emphasize emotions in the experiences your child is having. “How did you feel when you didn’t get invited to the party?” “How did you feel when you saw your grade on your spelling test?”
The more you help your child pay attention to their feelings, the more likely they are to do it on their own. Remember, recognizing emotions is the first step to ultimately manage them.
Be a Safe Place
Children need to feel safe in their relationships with adults. When an adult is supportive and responsive to a child’s needs (physical and emotional), that relationship can buffer against the effects of stress on the child.
Build trust in your relationship with your child.
Through your actions and conversations, let them know that you care about them and their well-being. When they approach you with tough questions or big emotions, be sure to validate them.
Being a safe place also requires you to set and keep boundaries with your children.
Be careful not to enable bad behavior, especially when driven by intense emotions. Make your boundaries clear: a consistent bedtime, rules against yelling or hitting, finishing homework, doing chores, etc. Then enforce them. Setting and keeping boundaries teaches your children what is and isn’t okay when it comes to their behavior. It sends the message that they are capable of making good choices and encourages them to do so.
Arm Kids With Coping Strategies
Our children need to learn how to respond to stress in healthy and helpful ways. This doesn’t come naturally, as you’re surely aware.
When your little one experiences big emotions, they’re more likely to yell, hit, or otherwise act out than politely tell you how they are feeling.
Doing the latter takes a lot of practice and guidance. Talk with your child about what they can do when they feel big emotions. Take a deep breath? Do 10 jumping jacks? Count to 10? Whatever the coping strategy, remember the goal is to create some space between them and their emotional trigger so they can respond instead of react.
Seek Help
Mental health struggles in children look different than they do in adults, so don’t look for the same symptoms. When a child is mentally healthy, they tend to be curious and can experience and express their emotions. It’s normal for a mentally healthy child to feel upset, however they are also able to calm themselves down.
If you see symptoms in your child that contradict this and concern you, seek help.
Fortunately, there are many resources available — from your pediatrician to a child psychologist or family therapist. Getting help from a professional will ensure that your child gets the treatment and support they need.
Focusing on emotional intelligence is one of the best things you can do to protect your child’s mental health.
As your child develops EQ, their ability to recognize and manage their emotions will increase. Additionally, kids with high EQ will exhibit greater self-confidence, higher levels of resilience, and more empathy and compassion — tools that will serve them well throughout their childhood and their adult life. Mental health struggles are inevitable for all of us as we experience the stresses and uncertainty of life’s challenges. While your children are young and in your care, arm them with the emotional intelligence to combat poor mental health and tackle whatever obstacles lay ahead.
